Monday, October 29, 2007

Holi-Days Of Our Lives

October comes to a close and with it, the plethora of holidays that have wormed themselves into our calendars and made us have three public holidays in the same month. If you ask me, these holidays are an unholy dalliance between state, religion and the public!

Need a for instance? Take Moi Day. The French say ‘moi’ means ‘me’ but this day is not supposed to be about ‘me’. In fact, it’s supposed to be about ‘someone, except me, who is less fortunate’. Thus Kenyans practiced the intended ‘be mindful of other people’s welfare’ mantra by being mindful of pub owners and emptying the pub stocks on this day.

Next up was Kenyatta Day in which pomp and pageantry was evident and with the country in an election mood, the President elected to use the solemn occasion of celebrating our Freedom Fighters by lambasting the people fighting him for his job.

Typically, a client in trouble called me on the eve of the holiday and asked that I meet him the next evening. “I can’t,” I wailed. “Tomorrow is Kenyatta Day!”

“Well, I did NOT say I want to meet you during the day,” he retorted. “I want to see you on Kenyatta Night, and that is not a holiday.”

The Muslims had a holiday Idd Ul Fitr and the scramble for Muslim attention was evident as every politician donned Islamic attire faster than you can say: Please vote for this here hypocrite who doesn’t give a damn about your religion but still needs your votes. So much for this Holy Day. Holy Moses. Did you notice how when our Muslim brothers and sisters were breaking the fast, hotcakes were selling like, you know, hotcakes!

But three holidays in the month is ridiculous! At this rate, we may as well go ahead and get lost in the humdrum of ridiculous holidays.

Apparently, we now even have ‘World Best Friend Day.’ Frankly, the best thing a friend can do for you is to forget that such a day exists. For a real friend knows each day is a best friend day.

A few weeks ago, we had ‘Talk Like A Pirate Day.’ Ahoy mateys!

I get it, I get it! Next, I will be visiting some girls and they open the door fully clad in only their birthday suit. “Hey, it’s Walk Around Naked Day! What are you doing clothed?”

Or 'Smile Like a Pig Day' or 'Smack My Bottom Day' or 'Eat Dry Maize Day' or 'International Drink A Cocktail Day'. Bah.

Oh, Happy Halloween!

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