Thursday, December 4, 2008

What the 'L'?

You may have across those vehicles that are on the road with a prominent sign of the letter ‘L’ on them.

This is a Memo to everyone: That does not mean the vehicle is being driven by a Lady or by a person driving like one.

So when Leyonce, a lady friend had recently stopped at a traffic light and the driver of the vehicle behind hooted at her… she switched off her vehicle and went to the window of the (obviously) male driver behind her and told him: My name is Leyonce. But that L on my car does not stand for Leyonce. It means Learner. Can you get that into your thick skull? Am learning. Treat me with kid gloves. Don’t hoot at me and startle me!

I still wonder why she didn’t say: It doesn’t stand for Lifeless, for as you can see I am walking!

Or better still: I am not Lily-livered! Or Laughing stock! Or a Librarian!

Thick skull, huh? That is Leyonce for you. And she was sober.

It got me thinking though. If the L on the vehicle stood for Learner, then who was teaching my friend at the time that she was learning since she was alone in her car?

In fact, I had a glance at the Grey Book and the answer can be found in the Traffic Rules found under the Traffic Act. Rule 12 states that a holder of a provisional driving licence is allowed to drive the vehicle when accompanied by a person who holds a valid driving licence. He or she should also exhibit the L behind and in front of the vehicle as per the Fifth Schedule of the Act.

The Fifth Schedule specifies the measurements of the letter L. The white paper on which it is written should be at least 175 millimetres by 175 millimetres whilst the letter L should be of the width 40 millimetres and in the colour red.

Knowing Leyonce, who is a colourholic (she claims my blue shirts are actually cyan or some colour else like that) like every lady, perhaps hers was in some fancy colour like scarlet.

Incidentally the Traffic Rules have some offences that most people are not aware of. For instance under Rule 66, no passenger is allowed to speak to a driver unless it is necessary to do so in order to ask him to stop the vehicle; or to distribute any printed matter for advertising; or to make excessive noise by singing; or to beg or hawk any item for sale; or to enter the vehicle with a jerrycan of petrol...

I particularly like Regulation 60 which my brother once was caught on: No petrol shall be carried in or on a motor vehicle except in the fuel tank.

So there you have it. The Rules are the Rules. The bottom line is that you can’t be learning if no one is teaching you!

But tell that to Leyonce. She once told an intern she was seriously underpaying: You are a Learner. When you have finished learning, we will take off the L and then you can become an Earner.

If that thick-skulled driver had asked me, a proper retort would have been: Madam, pardon me but for those drivers who aren’t accompanied by an Instructor and have the L sign, the L could stand for: Loony. Or Lawless. Or Liability. Or Lazy. Or Loafer. Or Last. Or Lost. Or Large-ass. Or Leggy. Or Lesbian.

Aah. That lesbian tag would get to Leyonce. She would have kissed him!

Monday, December 1, 2008

The Last Girl

You are…

The last girl
I watched
football with

The last girl
I hugged
on Facebook

The last girl
I texted
on my cellular

The last girl
I dreamt of
last night

The last girl
who moved
my heart so!

The last girl
who ate
chocs fro’ me

The last girl
whose smile
made me melt

The last girl
who made me
write a poem

The last girl
whom I had
coffee with

The last girl
who laughed
at my jokes.

So how come
You are not

The last girl
I ever kissed

The last girl
I danced with

The last girl
whose hair
I brushed?

The very last girl
who said
she loved me?

It just appears
I called off
the search

when I knew
you could be
the last girl
the very last girl

I want
I need
I adore
I crave for…

Will you be
the last girl
for me?

Or are you
still going
to marry him?