Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Bride Price

I got an advance list from Monique’s family about the dowry expected.

A rope for Monique’s mother? Seriously. Well thank heavens I know someone with a sisal farm.

2 Blankets and a pair of sheets? OK, Nakumatt… they need, you’ve got it.

46 goats? 46? Why 46?

22 batch (er.. batch?) of bananas plus two others? Plus two others. Why not just say 24? I always knew people who get married are bananas but this is really putting it quite literally.

A debe of honey for Monique’s father? A debe? Not a bottle. Not a tin. A debe? Is there even a place one can buy a debe of honey. Isn’t that like 20 litres of honey?

A debe of honey for Monique’s mother? Oh boy. And I was thinking the mother will get satisfaction by calling her Dad the pet word ‘Honey’. Two debes it is then!

Beer as a follow up of the goat? Hopefully, I get to partake of the beer. Bt wait, the goats are live aren’t they? So no roast goat meat… so why beer to follow them up!

12 sacks of maize and 1 sack of beans? Hmmmm. Not genetically modified.

Oh.. there is a choice… you either give small dowry or big dowry. Very clever!

Bull slaughtered by Our Kid and eaten at Monique’s father’s home? Wow. I have to slaughter the bull? Seriously. I need to go for those bull fighting lessons and give them quite a show!

He goat (brought by Our Kid when the bull is being slaughtered)? How do I do that? Shouldn’t I be slaughtering the bull? There is no Our Kid clone to bring the goat at the same time. And does that make it 47 goats, now?

A ram (this can be converted to money!)? Believe me, everything in this world can be converted to money!

Bulls and cows? No way. What about the goats?

Beer? More beer? Unless this is now specified to be Keroche Industries beer and the other one was East African Breweries beer!

Bring beer to Monique’s family four times? Wait? Four times? Before or after marriage? Four times? Did my barman have anything to do with this list?

2 goats for the grandmother’s paternal and maternal? If you are counting, that is now 49 goats! I thought one of her grandmother’s is deceased.

A goat for Monique’s brothers? And we now hit the 50 mark! Goats are popular!

A goat for the maternal uncle? 51? Now this is getting pricy!

A goat for the firewood? Huh? A goat for the firewood? What next? A goat for the matchbox? But I see there is a clarification.. you could replace this goat with firewood. Hmmm. With the sort of conservation going on at the Mau Forest, chances are you can actually be safe getting a goat rather than the firewood.

One side of the caucus? Still trying to digest this. Carcass? The Bull Must Be Big? How big?

Fat – One goat? Hmmm. Goat 53.

A bundle of sugar cane – one goat? You know what… I think am sticking to goat. No ay you can go to Mumias to get sugar cane when you can replace it with Goat 54.

A goat for the paternal uncle? I knew it! I was wondering why the maternal uncle was getting a goat whilst the paternal one was left out. I think am going to just round off and make it 60 goats!

A goat? He he he! Goat 56. This one was simply a goat! To whom it is going, it was not stated. I think this may be going to the local chief! I like that! A goat!

Money? Money? Or Honey? Money! No denomination, could be dollars, could be shillings, could be pounds, could be Euros. Money!

Money for those who attend the dowry negotiation? Wow. These guys drive a hard bargain. I like the word negotiations, though.