Idols... The Fab Four

It was down to four. For last Monday, Ammara left us in a way that made most of us think about the song ‘Hey, That’s No Way To Say Goodbye’. This isn’t Utopian Idols, but in a perfect world of violins and perfect sunsets, or even just a reasonable one, Nicolette would have been the one plucked from the Idols Garden last week.

But everybody deserves a bit of luck, I guess. Or, to put it another way, if you say someone has a dog’s chance of staying, do not put your mortgage on it! That’s why Uncle Bob is President once again and Nicolette was not at the bottom of the pile last week!

But some people never know when to stop kicking a man when he is down. Someone wrote in to me: You sir, will regret your words about Nicolette. Maybe not today, but tomorrow and for the rest of your Idols life. And when you beg to differ and plead to be fed your own words ground into some half-baked humble pie then some of us will say no, let him starve in his own "rightness" for that is the man who once said: "If Nicolette stays, she is only going to play the violin for the other contestants in the Finale."

With such strong words, it took sheer boldness and cajoling from my niece for me to run up to the Bomas. On our way, Keli (the niece) is singing ‘Eric Till I Die!” to the tune of the Bryan Adams’ song ‘Eighteen Till I Die!” Like a kid at a Christmas ATM, she is excited about the show that she even refuses my offer to check into some restaurant and nosh up some food.

“Not unless the Idols are running those restaurants!’ she replies.

You know, if the Fab Four Idols opened restaurants, I think this is what they will, in review, be like:-

TRINAHS: This Five Star restaurant welcomes everybody with a glass of the finest champagne. It may seem expensive but when you look around, you realize why it is expensive. Sheer class commensurate to the cost. The returns must be very very good.

NICOLETTES: This restaurant is specialized in fast food. It is very satisfying but the appealing food shouldn’t be taken in large quantities. Not something you can rely on on a daily basis, however.

ADIONAS: What a fine dining. It is beautifully presented, ornate and tantalizing to the taste buds. It is a good experience but ultimately the memories last too short.

ERICS: Home-style comfort food using foodstuffs mixed together in a simple, efficient way that just works and rarely lets you down. Plus a secret ingredient that adds a dash of flair to enhance the experience. Reliable, memorable, leaves you pining for more. When done right, as good as anything you can find in the classiest of restaurants.

So we check in at the Bomas. The usual opening sequence takes place.

Our host is doing his Lebo best to make us feel at home at the Bomas which incidentally is Swahili for homesteads. Those who are quite interested in why some people were ever born will – if they are Lebo headed - easily find that Lebo was born for TV.

TK is in the house. Remember when he was dissing contestants that what they sang sounded ‘Too Karaoke’ for him. Imagine that. Too Karaoke? TK? Incidentally, TK doesn’t even stand for Traditional Knowledge.

Angela looks great in the hat. Truly, home is where your hat is. I cross my fingers that she has hidden her inhaler in that hat if Eric decides to serenade her once again and take her breath away!

Lebo asks: Now, Scar, can you imagine how you would have reacted if Cynthia came over to the Judges desk to give you a hug after winning Idols? Scar laughs. Of course not! She is never going to win Idols even if she tried each season! On a serious note, Scar seems cheerful and is quite happy he didn’t have to order that scaffold after all.

Kawesa hasn’t been smiling too much. He may be getting sued by punters who keep placing bets on his choice of the Worst of The Night, who always is someone who doesn’t walk on Monday. That Bird’s Eye View must be a Bad Eye View.

Eric kicks off the show by singing ‘All Night Long’. Of course that is the song title, eejits. He couldn’t be singing the whole night, surely as if he was a computer game. The dancing is spot on and he does a soulful rendition. When Eric kicks off a show, you just know that this is going to be Happy Hour!

Nicolette who did her own Houdini Act last Monday, is next up with a Diana Ross song. The earliest memory I have of the song ‘Do You Know Where You Are Going To?’ was when I once took a bus and the driver was speeding whilst the song was playing in the background. It is not the kind of song a speed-happy driver should play since the answer is not very obvious. The way Nikki sang it, at least the answer is not the Airport.

Adiona is such a darling. Long Live The Mother Who Gave Birth To This Charming Girl. She posed for a photo with Keli after the show and thus got ‘The Greatest Love’ from her.

It is always hard to reprise a Celine Dion song. Hard that is, unless you are Adiona. The cameraman brought some hisses from the Bomas crowd when he went behind her… but she put all that behind and delivered good vocals.

Trinah went down on her knees to give a ‘Beautiful’ impression of Christina Aguilera’s song and ended it on her knees. We know that Zambians have shown their singing prowess before on the continental stage. Lindiwe won Project Fame, remember. And when Trinah sings, you don’t need to look at her passport to know: The girl is Zambian. And she can sing!

Nicolette makes a return in a smashing evening gown with a slit so high it seems to incessantly go on. Now if last week she had an easily forgettable performance, this was ‘Unforgettable’. She went over to serenade TK who gives a Cheshire cat serious competition with his grinning. Now that is what we call a TK! Technical Knockout! And it is at this point that I eat my half-baked humble pie!

Last week, the heavy rain was blamed for all the ills that it would have been perfect had Ammara sang ‘Blame It On The Rain.’ Adiona saw the opportunity in the rains and brought out the ‘Umbrella’ theme. There is something quite wonderful about hearing a song you do not like (Ella Ella Eh Eh) being sung like that. Those Idols Producers are lunatic! They even probably have Fan Choice lined up next!

From what I hear, when man landed on the moon, the cheers it elicited were less than the cheers Eric gets when he lands on the Idols stage. This time, the cheers range from girls to women and Boyz II Men as ‘End of the Road’ gets a just treatment from Eric. The crowd joins in the sing-a-long and then gives him a standing ovation.

To close it up, is Trinah who throws off her ‘Shackles’ as she sings and gets to showcase her ‘Bend It Like Trinah’ dance, adding a groovy treat to a great gospel track. That is how good Trinah is. Every time she produces a musical note, it is refined and nobody thinks: I can’t believe that tune came from her mouth. Happy Hour therefore ends on a Happy Note!

So Top Three next. Can't wait!